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Divorce

Divorce Q&A

  • My partner and I are splitting up. what do I do first?
    • Take a deep breath. You can do this. You’ll come out on the other side of this experience with skills and strengths you never knew you had.
    • Keep emotional and financial costs to a minimum. Find someone you can confide in. Do not use a child or attorney in place of a therapist or friend.
  • Divorce preparation: legal, financial, and emotional
    • Divorce/break-up education—attorney and financial-planners tell you what to expect in a safe and comfortable setting (women-only)
    • Going Solo support group—a therapist-facilitated group for women anywhere in the process of separating from a long-term relationship
  • DIY: Can I do the divorce myself?
    • Complex/contested divorce
      • Even if you are the one who initiates the separation, it’s seldom easy. When kids, pets, debts, and property are involved, it gets even more complicated. If your partner isn’t interested in voluntary mediation, you would be wise to consult an attorney.
  • I can’t afford a divorce attorney, what are my options?
    • Unlike criminal court where a public defendant will be assigned to you, you must hire your own divorce attorney if you decide you need one. This may seem impossible—especially if you no longer have access to your household income. However, there are options out there for you, even if your available funds are minimal. The following possibilities are categorized by combined income.
    • Utilize our free Legal Clinic. Free legal advice
    • Combined income = very low
      • A. Waiver of fees
        • Application for a reduction or forgiveness of the divorce application costs
      • B. Reduced hourly attorney fees
  • Combined income= moderate
    • Mediation—voluntary and mandatory
      • Voluntary” implies that your partner is willing to negotiate in good faith. Voluntary mediation is a more flexible and less costly route than mandatory court-ordered mediation or an attorney-facilitated process.
        A mediator (someone trained to be impartial) will guide you and your partner through decisions about parenting time, custody, child support, retirement/pensions, health insurance, housing, etc. The mediator will record your mutual decisions in a document—the Memorandum of Understanding.
      • Before signing the memorandum, hire your own personal attorney to look it over to ensure that you have not compromised in ways that put you or your children at risk.
      • Mandatory mediation, Friend of the Court
        If you and your partner cannot come to an agreement on issues of parenting time, custody, and child support, a Friend of the Court mediator will work with you in order to save court time and money. This process is more directive than voluntary mediation. Mandatory mediation is the last step before a costly and time-consuming trial. (Each county has their own Friend of the Court.)
  • Deferred payment possibilities
    • Retainer. Most attorneys require an initial payment that covers the time it takes to familiarize themselves with the details of your case and get started on paperwork.
    • Payment plan. Ask friends and family if they have a recommendation of a trustworthy family law attorney who can work with you on a payment plan.
    • Contingency. You may be able to find an attorney who agrees to take your case in exchange for a share of the post-divorce settlement. If you have few assets, this is unlikely.
  • Divorce negotiation: I’m afraid to stand up for myself

When there is an imbalance of power or money, you need someone on your side. Do not do it alone!

  • Hire an attorney, but keep costs low.
    • Attorney fees average $250 per hour.
    • Make a list ahead of time of the issues and questions you want to address.
    • Keep to the point.
    • Do not elaborate on how hurt, sad, and angry you are. Get in and get out. Save those highly-charged emotional issues for your therapist or friends.
  • Divorce and domestic violence: I’m afraid to leave
    • You are smart to be cautious. The most dangerous time in a coercive relationship is when your partner senses you are about to leave. Get the support you need to do this safely. The Women’s Center can talk you through the process of creating a safety plan.
    • U-visa: If you are undocumented and your partner is abusive you may qualify for a U-visa. More information is available through Immigrant Rights and Civil Advocacy Clinic at Cooley Law School in Washtenaw County. In Wayne, call La Vida at 313.849.3920.
    • Children at risk: The National Council on Juvenile and Family Court Justices has compiled instructions on how to proceed if your partner is threatening to use custody of your children against you. If you have evidence that your children have been endangered or are at risk for abuse, the Family Assessment Clinic offers counseling as well as objective interviewing that may be admissible in court. (Clinic capacity is limited to a select number of cases per year.)
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